Jokes and Anecdote that you can't stop laughing at

Thursday, June 28, 2007

A local newspaper (in England) ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... but the least romantic second line.

Here are some of the entries they received.

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Oh loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way

Viral Linking:Increase Pagerank Smoothly

Andy Coates came up with an interesting idea of viral linking couple of months back and it had been a huge success since then.I came to hear of it from Chuckster very lately but still the heat is on so i decided to give it a shot.Here's what you need to do:

Instructions:

1.) Copy and paste the entire matrix of “ViralTags” below.

2.) Substitute the Host Tag and one of the “ViralTags” in the matrix with your anchor text of choice containing your blog’s URL. Please keep anchor text to a maximum of 3 words to keep the matrix size manageable.

3.) When you get a ping back from someone that has your link in one of their “ViralTags”, practice good karma by copying his/her Host Tag’s anchor text (automatically the associated link will also be copied) and paste it over one of your “ViralTags” below.

4.) Encourage and invite your readers to do the same and soon this can grow virally.

--------COPY AND PASTE THE VIRAL LINK BELOW ON YOUR BLOG-------

Host Tag: Jokes

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Warning if you are neighbour of a beautiful woman whose husband comes late.

A man came home early from work one day to find his wife fucking the next door neighbour. He got his shotgun and forced the man into the garage, stark naked, where he put the man’s cock in the vice. He welded the vice shut and started sharpening a knife.
“My God,” said the neighbour, “you’re not going to cut my cock off are you?”
“No,” answered the husband, “you are. About three minutes after I set this place on fire.”

Car Technical support :

Car Technical support :

If People Thought of Cars like they do about Computers -
Tech-support
people will find this especially amusing... By: Unknown
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who
don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy
computers- but imagine if they did . . .
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened
HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"
HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your
battery and turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have
to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know!?"
HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a
needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"
CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?"
HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and
purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the
vendor to install it for you."
CUSTOMER: "What!?" I paid $12,000. for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with
everything built in!"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Your cars suck!"
HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"
CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator
pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it
crashed . and now it won't start!"
HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.
What do you expect us to do about it?"
CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash anymore!"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car
because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power
steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in
my car!"