Froze to death

Froze to death
>>
>>Two men waiting at the heavens gates strike up a conversation.
>>"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
>>"I froze to death," says the second.
>>
>>"That's awful," says the first man.
>>"How does it feel to freeze to death?"
>>"It's very uncomfortable at first", says the second man. "You get the
>>shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's
>>a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're
>>sleeping.
>>How about you, how did you die?"
>>"I had a heart attack," says the first man.
>>"You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home
>>unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran
>>down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the
>>second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could
>>to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and
>>died."
>>The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.
>>"What do you mean?" asks the first man.
>>"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

Beware of Microsoft Guys....

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an
electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's
electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the
clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a
handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The
pilot's sign said 'WHERE AM I?' in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft,
drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their
sign said 'YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.'

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the
course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how
the 'YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER' sign helped determine their
position.

The pilot responded 'I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT
building because they gave me a technically correct, but
completely useless answer.'

Did you know?... The History Of the F word.

Did you know?...
>
>In ancient England people could not have sex unless they had consent of the
>king (unless they were in the Royal Family). When people wanted to have a
>baby,
>they had to get the consent of the king, and the king gave them a placard
>that
>they hung on their door while they were having sex.
>
>The placard had F.U.C.K. (Fornication Under Consent of the King ) on it.
>Hence
>that's where the word F**k came from. Now, aren't you glad you learned
>something
>new today ?

The Guy wanting to get screwed...

This guy goes to a whorehouse and says to the Madam, "I
want to get screwed."

The Madam tells him to go up to room #12 and knock on the
door. The guy walks up to the door, knocks on it, and says,
"I really want to get screwed, bad!"

A very sexy voice replies "Just slide $20 under the door."

So the man slides the $20 under the door and waits...
Nothing Happens! He knocks on the door again, and yells
out "I want to get screwed!"

The sexy voice behind the door answers, "Again?"